Reviewing My 2018

Reviewing My 2018

Hello everyone, hope you’re all well and having an amazing start to the new year!

I know I haven’t written a blog post in A G E S, but I thought it’d be nice for me (and hopefully for you!) to write an end-of-2018 “review” I guess; what was great, what was awful, and everything in between.

Of course, one of the best things that happened in 2018 was that my book got published! It’s been surreal – from receiving my own copy, to seeing it in a book store, to getting so many messages from people I didn’t know, some of whom I now consider friends. I have every message saved, because I still go through terrible times, and when I do, those messages serve as reminders for why I did this; why I wrote the book, why I went through with publishing when it felt like sending my secret diary out into the world for anyone and everyone to read and scrutinise. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want my words out there – of course I do, and I want to continue writing for as long as I can – but mostly, I just wanted to help people. People with epilepsy, chronic illnesses, mental health issues, the parents, families and friends of people struggling, and all the people who might not understand yet. From the messages I’ve received, I think my book is definitely helping, and that’s what I am most proud of. I’ve written another blog post on the book, so I just want to say thank you so much for all the support, and keep reading!

There have been so many lovely times this year. Aside from my book launch celebration party, I’ve also had a surprise party, surprise visits, a little holiday with my family and gorgeous times with my friends. I was well enough to see my niece in her first ever dance show (see sweet pic below), and I got through my first radio interview, even though I was beyond nervous… But, with the good of course comes the difficult, and from hospitals, injuries and medication changes, to grieving and missing people, to developing an overwhelmingly intense, real fear of dying in my sleep, I’ve had a fair share of hard times, like everybody else. Throughout the year, I also found myself having to make some incredibly tough decisions; decisions that would affect other people as well as myself, and I never take that responsibility lightly. I thought about every aspect, and in the end, I think I made the right choices.

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Since March, I’ve been in therapy and my new therapist is awesome. It’s hard work – sometimes really hard – but I get to feel lighter, and my head feels a little clearer, and that alone is well worth it. I am learning a lot about myself, discovering the reasons why I am the way I am, and slowly learning how to control certain things, so that I can eventually lead a more content, peaceful life. For the majority of the time, I’m happy to open up about most aspects of my mental health. It can be daunting, but if nobody opens up, then nobody understands. If we stay silent, and others stay oblivious, and the stigma gets worse, not better. The world has come a long way, and that’s something everybody can be proud of, but we need to keep moving forwards. In saying that, there are a few things that I choose not to talk about publicly, because I don’t feel comfortable doing so, and that’s okay too. There are lots of small goals, in therapy and in life, but I guess they all add up to one main ideal, and that is to be happy.

> Feel free to let me know your best and worst times of last year, and how you dealt with them! You can do that by clicking here! <

Despite continuous seizures, my year came to a nice Strictly-happy, Christmassy end, and I loved our New Years Eve, playing board games and chilling out, watching the London fireworks at home with my family.

Thank you so much as always, and although I’m a week late… H A P P Y  N E W  Y E A R!

Love, Georgie xox

 

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“I Have Brain Zaps!”

“I Have Brain Zaps!”

Hello everybody, hope you’re all doing well.

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First of all, I know I haven’t written a blog post in A G E S. Hope you like my websites new beach hut theme! #SummerVibes

I have loads of ideas for future posts and projects, but lately, I’ve been super busy with things concerning my book, but also, I’ve been suffering quite a bit. That’s what this post is going to be about. So, here goes.

If you know me personally, you’ll probably know that I take multiple tablets every single day and every single night. For epilepsy. For depression. For anxiety. Then, there’s pain medication. Rescue medication. Preventer and reliever inhalers. Multi-vitamins.

It’s a lot. But, it’s a lot more than just taking tablets.

For the last few weeks, one of my medications has been in the process of changing. I very quickly started feeling like I was having electric shocks in my brain. There were gone almost as quickly as they came, but then they were back. Repetitive. I didn’t really think about it being a side effect, until the feeling became unbearable, and started affecting my arms and hands too.

I know doctors usually advise against googling your symptoms, but I’m glad I did, because I found out that the electric shock feeling was normal for my specific medicine, while it was changing. They call them “brain zaps”, which is a completely accurate description.

They weren’t exactly painful, but very alarming and almost constant, so it affected my everyday life. It stopped me in my tracks multiple times, and at night-time, they felt even more overwhelming, to the point where I couldn’t cope staying in the room on my own.

I mean, going to sleep is like the only time I’m completely alone. It doesn’t sound like a big deal, especially because I understand why it’s not safe for me to be on my own. But, these days, I actually like going to bed, because it’s often when I sort through my personal thoughts. I know that sounds kind of weird, but I just mean thoughts that aren’t about writing books and blog posts, and it is a time when I try not to think about my seizures.

So, that’s brings me onto seizures. My disorder is not under control, despite the religious taking of these medications, and it’s scary. The people around me always commend my strength and bravery, but sometimes, I don’t feel brave at all. I deal with it, because I have to, but dealing with it has never once been an easy task. My seizures feel relentless.

There are triggers I can avoid – alcohol, for example – but there are also triggers I can’t avoid (or, at least, I can’t always avoid), like my stress levels. The thing is, with my disorder being so rare, I’d still have seizures, even if I could stay away from any potential trigger. That’s a fact, not just a thought.

So, on top of these brain zaps, I’ve also kept on having seizures, and dealing with the aftermath.

I’ve been suffering other side effects too, but the more “expected” ones, I guess:

  • Headaches. Really really bad ones.
  • Exhaustion.
  • Shaking
  • Light-headedness. 
  • Diarrhoea – sorry to be gross, but yeah. 
  • Nausea. 
  • Irritability and changes in mood (I literally snapped at everyone, and I promise I’m not usually that kind of person!)

Together with seizures, this has stopped me from doing certain things lately. It has meant that I’ve let people down, which is a feeling I hate, but have to experience quite often. It has caused sleep disturbances, which is another thing my epilepsy doesn’t like. It has put extra pressure on my family, because I kept getting so frustrated at everything. It has stopped me from completing tasks and staying focused and having some semblance of a routine. My additional symptoms have had an effect on my mental health too, and that’s a part of me that is already fractured…

Okay, I’m going to stop now. I do realise this post has become a bit of a rant, and I’m sorry about that. But, it can be so hard sometimes. Overwhelmingly hard. At times, I find that people still think it’s just the seizures. But, it’s not.

I tend not to complain, and I always try to laugh about things, because the other option is crying my time away. No thanks. So, this is just an insight; a small part of all the things people don’t see.

As people, we are all so complex, and our problems are more intense than we probably allow other people to see. With that being said, my message is: if you want to let it out, just let it out!

It’s okay to complain sometimes. It’s okay to acknowledge that life is tough, that school/work is boring you senseless, that your child’s tantrums are driving you crazy, or maybe you’re a teenager, a bit mixed-up in the modern world, feeling like your parents just do not understand a n y t h i n g. (We’ve all been there!)

Go to someone you trust. Someone who lets you shout and scream, if that’s what you need.

If not, you can always contact me about it, by clicking here. I’ll be there for you!

(Who started singing the Friends theme tune then?!)

Love, Georgie xox

PS. You should also check out my gallery page, to see what I did to cheer myself up 🙂

My First Post

My First Post

Hello everybody!

This will be my first ever blog post, and I have spent ages (literally months!) going back and forth with it. What should it be about? What will make people want to read it? How should it look? Should I use pictures or not? How do I make it just right; not boring but not too chaotic? Even though I love writing, I’m brand new to blogging and didn’t really know where to start.

Eventually, I decided that my first blog post should be something simple that helps you get to know me! So, a few days ago, I spotted a questionnaire online, and thought I’d complete it as a little blog post. Nothing too special, but I hope you enjoy it!

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Personals

1. What is your gender?

Female

2. What is your current relationship status?

Single

3. How old are you?

25

4. Where do you live?

Liverpool

5. Are you religious?

Not particularly

6. Do you drink and/or smoke?

No, neither

7. Do you have any piercings and/or tattoos?

Ears are pierced, no tattoos

8. Do you drive?

No #EpilepsyProbs

9. Do you exercise?

It’s a goal for the new year… 

10. Do you have kids?

Not yet

11. Would you date someone who had a child?

Yes

12. What are you thankful for?

My family, my friends, my neurologist and Tango Ice Blasts

13. What are your fears?

Failing, vomiting, creepy crawlies… probably loads more!                

14. What do you dislike about yourself?

Getting attached too quickly sometimes, how stressed I can be, and my massive forehead!

15. What do you like about yourself?

Kindness

Favourites

16. What is your favourite TV series?

Scandal

17. What is your favourite talk show?

Probably The Ellen Show, but I do love Jeremy Kyle!

18. What is your favourite website?

ASOS

19. What is your favourite social media?

To use, it’d be Instagram right now, but I love watching YouTube!

20. What is your favourite holiday?

Christmas

21. What is your favourite movie?

Pretty Woman

22. What is your favourite store?

Paperchase 

23. What is your favourite kind of exercise?

Walking and swimming

24. What is your favourite thing to do?

I know it might be a boring answer, but just being with my family and friends is my no1 favourite thing to do!

25. What was your favourite thing to do as a child?

Dance

26. What is your favourite colour?

I’m liking purple right now 🙂

27. What is your favourite food?

Italian

28. What is your favourite drink?

Orange and pineapple squash

29. What is your favourite animal?

Monkeys and penguins

30. What is your favourite Disney film?

Cinderella

31. What was your favourite subject in school?

English Lit

32. What is your favourite book?

I have loads, but my all-time favourite story is Alice in Wonderland

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Lasts

33. Who was the last person you texted?

My cousin

34. Who was the last person who texted you?

Also my cousin 

35. What was the last food you ate?

Spicy chips!

36. What was the last drink you had?

Diet coke

37. What was the last film you watched?

The Sound of Music

38. What was the last thing you bought?

Facial cleanser 

39. What was the last YouTube video you watched?

Jimmy Kimmel Mean Tweets

40. Who was the last person you emailed?

The videographer I worked with for Moving Memoirs

41. What was the last picture you took?

A silly-face selfie with my niece

42. What was the last place you went out to?

Retail park

43. What was the last thing you screenshotted?

Scrapbook ideas

44. What was the last shop you went in to?

Boots

45. Whose home did you last go into other than your own?

My cousins

46. What was the last car you were in?

My mums (don’t know which model the car is!)

47. What was the last card you received?

Christmas card

48. What was the last song you listened to?

Bedroom Floor by Liam Payne

49. What was the last outfit you wore?

Black skinny jeans, Christmas jumper and ballet flats

50. What was the last thing you plugged in?

Fairy lights

51. What was the last radio station you listened to?

Capital

52. What was the last thing you threw away?

Disposable flossers

53. Who was the last person you hugged?

My mum

54. Who was the last person you kissed?

My little niece

55. What was the last thing you organised?

My bookshelf

56. Where was the last place you travelled to on a train?

London

57. Where was the last place you travelled to on a plane?

Spain

58. What was the last gadget you used?

Phone, although I’ll be using my laptop to post this…

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(This is me practising filming, featuring fairy lights, and my dressing gown!)

 

Okay, that’s all for today. Huge thanks for reading!

Love, Georgie xox